From Someone who loves another woman..

you don't want to talk to me anymore
i can't do anything about it
you've changed
i don't know why
if that's what you want i'll leave it at that
i wish we didn't end this way
maybe someday i will figure out why this happened
but for now i have a lot of questions in my mind
i will not ask you because i don't want to bother you anymore
and you might think that i am still longing for you...
thing is i still do...
even if circumstance doesn't present itself the way it should
i still long for you
i know i've agreed to what you want
it has been your show all the while
i got hurt in the process
i don't think you were in pain
that i won't know
because i will not ask
and based on your statements you do not seem hurt
well... poor me
wanting someone who doesn't want anything to do with me
i don't blame you
i blame myself
i let myself fall into your trap
one that i couldn't get out of
in time i will be free
but as of now it's my choice to stay in the trap
when i will decide to finally let go i don't know yet
until there are still memories...
and if those memories are still fresh and piercing
i won't be free
i wish you are happy with your decision
i was hurt
and i still am
whenever i think of what has happened
what i have sacrificed and what i might have lost
i'm thinking you're not worth it
but at the end of the day i still long for you
i know i won't win
but i keep holding on
i have loved you and i still do
even if it's not reciprocated it's ok
i understand your decision
but please do not push me away like this
do you think i'm that callous?
i feel what you want me to do
you want me to go away
i still can't
not at this time
i don't know why i don't want to let go
i don't know what i see in you
you broke my heart twice
yet i still cling on to the time when i thought you were mine
it was foolish of me
i shouldn't have assumed
i should've read the signs
do you know what i miss about you?
the way you sleep
you're such an innocent soul when you're in that state
i also miss the level of attention you gave me before
all the time that we texted and talked over the phone
the one time you called me at my house and my mom answered..
she asked who called?
i told her you were my friend..
that was fun...
you were that concerned...
not anymore...
and i don't think it will never be the same again...
being ignored is painful
all i wait for all day is your response to my messages that i send at the beginning of the shift
or if you will ever answer them...
that's the question
we used to talk the whole shift
we also text each other when we're home or when we're about to sleep
when we wake up the first message i see is yours
i got hurt when you told me he doesn't know anything
you are selfish and you admitted that fact
i'm hurting a person because of you and yet your guy doesn't know about me...
all has been about you
there's nothing left for me
i wish i could pound my head just to get you out of it
"thanks for everything" is not enough
it cannot be my closure
and a simple goodbye won't cut it
even a thousand goodbyes won't do the trick
i love you
that's what i know
and that's what i feel
until i wake up one day not succumbing to you anymore
i won't be completely happy

Sorry Anak.. Pinky Promise...

Sorry if sometimes I forget how special you are. When I get irritated because I have to wake up during my sleep just to help you out with your nebulizer or when I shout at you when you cry while I bathe you.

Mommy is just tired; it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. When I get mad, it’s not you I am mad at… It is what you did that I didn’t like. I know I only spend a little of my time with you and I know and I hope that when you grow up you’ll understand why I have to work this hard and why I have to be away most of the time. Don’t ever think even for a minute that I don’t love you or that I don’t think of you when we are not together because I do. It really hurts me when you don’t like to talk to me on the phone or when I hear you say that you don’t love me because I have scolded you.

I’m working hard so that I can give you a nice and comfortable life. Something that gang-gang was able to give to me and you titas and tito. I want to give you all the toys you want to play with so I’ll never see a jealous-look on your face when your classmate has a new cool toy and you want to play with it but your classmate is too “madamot” to share it with you. I would want you to go to a good school so that you can win a debate over a know-it-all, spoiled rich kid who doesn’t know any better. Most of all, I wouldn’t want you to feel insecure because I was not able to provide well enough unlike your friends who have both parents to provide for them…

Basta anak, Mahal na mahal ka ni crazy mommy… Pinky promise yan.

Basa ang Ilong ko!!!

Lagi nila akong inaasar na "selosa" daw ako dahil lageng basa ang ilong ko... Hmmm, I can say na it is half true (hehehe)... Pero may basis naman kasi ako for being selosa...

POINT # 1: Swerte ka na pag may nakilala kang lalake na hindi manloloko o sinungaling.

POINT # 2: Mantakin nyo.. Kasama ko na noon araw-araw.. Ksama matulog, parehong bahay inuuwian, buntis ako... Nakayanan pang manligaw ng iba... Ang masama dun eh ka -account ko pa!!! Alam ng buong tao sa account ko (well not the manager) pero hindi nila sinasabi sa akin kasi daw hindi naman sila directly concerned... So para i-conclude ito, nagmukha akong tanga... Sa sobrang tiwala ko, akala ko eh super close lang sila kasi kakapromote lang ng ex kong yun..

POINT # 3:Mahal mo eh... Syempre gusto mo seo lang (hehehe...)

Pero yun eh. Minsan hindi ko alam kung saan ko ilulugar sarili ko. Pag hindi ka magseselos, iisipin hindi mo mahal pag magseselos naman kahit unte, iisipin OA ka ng girlfriend. Hindi naman ako nagrereklamo eh.. Who doesn't want to be inlove diba pero it will involve a lot of risks and the big chance na you'll get hurt. Haaaaay... para namang hindi ko ito dinaanan ng madaming beses na but still im standing diba??? Pero xempre fear factor pa din and mag let go ng todo todo..Pero bahala na.. Sarap naman ng feeling ng..May nagmamahal.... (Keiko --> mushy!) hahahaha

Sige na, sige na...

I guess I'd have to share my thoughts on the movie Sex and the City... I liked it naman.. Pero parang the movie really made me realize na no matter how much a guys hurts us (or vice versa) kung kayo... kayo talaga... I find it kinda unfair??? Hindi ba pwedeng wag na lang forever? The process of falling in love (then moving on after getting broken) is much too long (for me ha) para maging paulit-ulit tapos sa isang lalake lang?...

Pero siguro nga may isang lalake talaga sa buhay ng isang babae na we would always want to get back with if given the chance. Pero ang tanong... HOW WOULD WE KNOW NA HINDI NA NYA UULITIN UNG GINAWA NYA (given na yung lalake ung mali ha...) Dun pumapasok ang second chance, third chance and many chances... Pero anong basis mo to give that chance?... Hay ang dami daming questions na sana may sagot but I know na even the wisest peroson wouldn't have an answer... Isa syang malaking question mark...

Ang Kalaro...

May isang batang mahilig maglaro..Pangalanan natin syang Princess. Araw-araw naglalaro sya sa malaking malaking playground at araw-araw ay may nakikilala syang iba't ibang bata. May ibang nakikipag laro din, may ibang pinapanood lang nya habang umaakyat ng treehouse at may ibang sadyang ayaw makipaglaro.

Mayroon syang batang nakakalaro halos araw-araw at ang pangalan nya ay Adrian... Paborito nila ang swing at pataasan sila lagi. Ngunit isang araw, sabi ni Adrian ayaw nyang nakikipaglaro si Princess sa iba. Naguluhan si Princess at tinanong kung bakit. Ang sabi lang ni Adrian "gusto ko ako lang kalaro mo"...

Masayang masaya si Princess kapag naglalaro sila ni Adrian ngunit ngayon na nagsabi si Adrian ng ganun..hindi nya alam ang dapat nyang gawin. Ilang beses na din kasi nyang nasaktan si Adrian habang naglalaro ng patintero at ng agawan-base..naisip nya na kung si Adrian lang ang magiging kalaro nya, baka maitulak or madapa ulit si Adrian at si Princess nanaman ang may kagagawan.

Napatingin si Princess sa playground... Ang daming bata na naglalaro at nagsasaya... Hindi nya kayang iwan si Adrian ngunit gustong gusto nyang makipaglaro din sa iba...Naghihintay si Adrian ng sagot... Umiyak lang si Princess..

"Hindi na lang ako maglalaro dito sa playground.. " At dahan dahang umalis si Princess...

Sana isang araw, magkita sila ulet ni Adrian. Malamang malalaki na sila nun at maiintindihan ni Adrian na hindi pumili si Princess. Mas ginusto nyang mag-isa na lang kesa makita ni Adrian na nakikipaglaro sya ng piko sa ibang bata.

Ay Nanay Na Pala Ako!

"Pinakilala nya sa akin kanina ung friend nya c gian, lov daw nya un... At least un ang rinig ko hehe..."

This was a message i received from my bestfriend who picks up my precious daughter after school. I felt my ears turn hot... PANIC ITO!!! I texted Hailey's yaya and asked who gian is. "Yeah I know he is her classmate pero ano itsura nya? Madungis ba? Mataba?"... Crazy keiko.. Hellooo... As if he will be mataba forever or madungis until college (but there are grown-ups who are still madungis. Mas madungis pa nga sa mga taong grasa eh!).

ACTION PLAN NG INA: Upakan ung batang lalaki at palayuin sa anak!!! --> OA!

Hay, nanay na nga ako. Ganito pala yung feeling.. seeing your daughter grow up..fall in and out of love, cry... Waaaahhh! BACK OUT!!! I don't want her to commit the same mistakes I did! NOOOO!

(Background music na "turn back time" ng AQUA tapos reminisce nung ipinanganak si Hailey)...

Kahit natatakot ako... I feel some excitement din because I know and I can confidently say that I am taking care of my daughter very well. I am proud to have Hailey in my life. She changed me and made me a better person. Everything I have and what I am right now is all because of her. AMEN.

"Oo na Paolo"

I had a chance to have a small talk with Paolo.. One of my bestfriend's friend since high school. Sya yung typical guy na "who wants to enjoy his single life.." Well, may point naman sya na in every relationship, tama lang na wag masyado mag expect na "this is it.." Tayo kasing mga gurls, aminin man natin or hindi..we always think that way when in fact we are also still in search for the right one. Pero para sa akin lang is yung courtesy ng pagsabi na. "Hey, I'm sorry but I found someone else.." Yung ganun ba... Kasi nga naman it is better na sabihin agad kesa sa mahuli pa namin kayo..

Mistakes ng Lalaki:
1. pagsabayin ang 2 babae tas pag nahuli, sasabihin na.. confused pa kasi kaya hindi pa make apili
2. bigla ka na lang iiwan sa ere parang hindi naging kayo
3. magpropromise ng forever

Ayan, those are just few examples pero syempre applicable din naman yan sa aming mga babae. It's just that it is more applicable sa lalake ngayon...

I guess it will be a never ending debate noh? Well, I'll just continue observing men and their behavior. Hindi pa naman ako directly affected sa kanilang ka-weirduhan.

:)

Wow!

ME and Tinik @ Potipot... We were with 10 other friends and the best thing was, Hailey was with us. She doesn't go out much..well, my mom won't let her since she gets sick agad. But it was fun... This was fun. Something I'll remember forever!